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Split Between

Monday I was in joyful, Tuesday I was determined but Wednesday..Wednesday I couldn’t leave my bed owing to anxiety, paranoia and sadness…but that’s ok.  You see I’m many things.

I’ve learned that it’s fine if one day I step out the door like a lioness and the next day i feel like I’m still just a cub yearning for my mother’s care.

At times I’m all dreams and daring, magic, manifesting, and miracles; but there may also be others when I’m weary, scared, conflicted, constricted, or confused. And that’s fine too.

Some days I feel the pulse of the universe flowing through my veins as my goddess within rises like a phoenix; and the next I reach out to find that my humanity is the only thing I know for sure.

Sometimes I might see my own heart in upturned fronds shimmering in the moonlight, and see the heart of the world reflected in the stars, but there may be other times when the only reflection I see is in the mirror, one made of simple and faded flesh.

It’s ok.

It’s fine to falter. And it’s fine to be strong. I’m learning what it means to be both. Both soft and strong. Both confident and humble. Both spirit and flesh.  For all the inspirational signs I see, balance isn’t something you get when you wave a wand – it’s unattainable unless you’re a robot programmed that way.

We aren’t here to overcome our humanity but to embrace it, to love it, to make the very most of it.

It’s ok if one day you reach for the stars and then the very next you reach for a familiar hand.  It’s fine to be both light and dark. It’s ok to play with your extremes and still hold your middle ground.

What matters is that you remember. What matters is that you remember the heavens when you feel weighted to the ground, and you remember your humility when you reach the stars. That you remember your wholeness when you feel torn apart, and you remember your own glow when trying to see through the dark.

It’s okay to be both woman and girl, both sun and moon, both wise and wonder-filled. There is a universe inside of me, with infinite modes of being.  I’m the product of hundreds of lifetimes and a wealth of ancestors not mass produced on a production line.  So, even if i’m surfing galaxies worlds apart every day, bouncing between emotions, wants and needs, it’s ok; in fact it’s more than ok, it’s life. It’s me.

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